SCARED of feeling.... SCARED of falling IN LOVE... !!!!!!

A "chat" conversation between a guy and a girl....

Disclaimer : Fiction if you THINK, Real if you FEEL! :)

Guy :- "D"
Girl :- "A"

Before you proceed, read the posts "Love and me" and "Let love come to you" TO UNDERSTAND this post better! :)
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D :- For whom is this post "Love and me"?????????
A :- Just a random post, D.... It is not for anyone...
D :- Who do you think you are kidding,A? Your best friend???
A :- YES! :) 
D :- Oh come on.. just tell me who is the ONE?
A :- Okay first you tell me for whom is this post "Let love come to you"  ??? Who should come and seek you?
D :- It is just a spontaneous thought, A... I did not have anyone particular in my mind at that time..
A :- Same here! :) Even my posts are all fictional! :)
D :- Don't lie ... not atleast to me! I know all your posts are real and non-fiction.I don't know about others but I definitely ignore all your disclaimers which say "FICTIONAL" 'cause I know the stories behind all of them. Do you think I don't know who your characters in real life are??? HAHAHAHA ...You've a big misconception if you think I buy your DISCLAIMERS! :)
A :- Oh really??? So tell me now who the characters in my stories are... If you know all of them why don't you know for whom is the post "Love and me"...?
D :- Fine..forget it..  Arguing with you is just IMPOSSIBLE...
A :- Good you realized... :)
D :- You know what A? You're really special for me.You are the one who has given colors to my dreams...I wish I was with you right there... :(
A :- D, Just feel it and I'm right there with you... but if you "think" about it ,I am 600 miles away from you.. :'(
D :- I m bad at feeling,A... and I want to be with you for once.I want US to be real and not just VIRTUAL :'(
A :- Hmm..
D :- I really want this "600 miles" to be "JUST A NUMBER"... Someday perhaps we'll see each other..
A :- Hmm..
D :- Just a "hmm.."??? I thought our feelings were mutual..
A :- Which feelings D? Giving colors to dreams or falling for each other??? Just five minutes before you told me you were BAD AT FEELING...!!!
D :- I know I am a bit weird but you've brought some amazing moments in my life...
A :- Hmm..I'm special for you.I just wish I was the "only special one" in your life but I know I am not the only one...I guess you are not BAD AT FEELING.. you're just SCARED of FEELING what you already are...
Just ask yourself and you'll get the answer for whom is the post "Love and me"... :)


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I should not miss him but I do......!! :( :( :(

Read the relevant part here!

Reyansh claims that I am the one, after Yashri with whom he has shared everything...

I want to believe this but I can't.
It is more like I miss him all the time but he misses me only during lonely times.

It hurts when I call him up and he disconnects my call and texts me back----> "I am with friends.TTUL"...

Can't he talk even 2 minutes when he is with friends?

I am only an option in his life,I guess...

An option when no one's around, a secret sharer when everyone else is busy and just an ONLINE FRIEND!!

I am always there for him whenever he needs me,but when I need to talk to him - he is with FRIENDS!!!

I don't think being online friends comes with any such "conditions apply" warnings...Friends are friends..

I have better online friends than Reyansh,but somehow I keep going back to him inspite of knowing he cares only when no one else's around...

I met my best friend too ONLINE so I don't think it has anything to do with "online-offline" thing...

It is more about how he WANTS to treat me-How special I am or How special I am NOT...

It is more about just "SAYING" and "CLAIMING" to be good friends...and not about PROVING or SHOWING it...

Hmm..I think I should let Reyansh be on his own and sort out his priorities and have a straightforward conversation with him regarding this RATHER than blogging about it.

I should do the same too.. Even I need to decide what he means to me. Am I considering someone who considers me an option, my PRIORITY?

I need to introspect and ask myself whether I should walk away on being ignored like this or WAIT to be INSULTED...

I guess No!!! I should not be waiting for the day I get insulted ... and walk away MYSELF, taking into consideration the hints Reyansh has already given me lot many times...

I don't think I would be another "YASHRI" for him ...'cause Reyansh and my relationship has no place in HIS blog posts, his poems, his stories, his facebook updates OR EVEN HIS LIFE...

Reyansh-Yashri were well known among all the bloggers...But me and Reyansh??

I hardly matter to Reyansh...
Inspite of not being in "LOVE" with Yashri, she was all over his blog,once upon a time.People still read those posts ... BUT ME? Reyansh has nothing to write for *ME AND HIM*...

I should not be writing this but I have...
I should not be missing him but I do...
:( :( :( Or perhaps I miss the PERFECT GUY who I thought him to be...

This is the last post for Reyansh from my side...

"I still miss her..."

*Purely fictional*

Name courtesy for the guy's name :- My nephew!! :D
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It was yet another day when I was in some serious conversation with Reyansh. The topic was "Why do people walk away,Why do things change"...My favorite discussion topic and somehow the most disheartening too.. :(

I knew Reyansh's best friend Yashri had walked away from him at the time he needed her the most and when everyone[including me] thought they could never ever be separated....

No they did not have any fight and they were not in love too. She simply walked away to a new world without any words of goodbye/farewell.Atleast this is what I know!!!

I don't know if it's any different than this.I could never ask Reyansh "What went wrong between you and Yashri...?"

It was 2009 and I was not very close to Reyansh, not as much as I am today! :)

I had managed to know of Reyansh and Yashri's inseparable relationship by stalking Reyansh's orkut scraps,certain blog posts which were written just for THEIR amazing relationship and some of our common friends who shared Reyansh-Yashri incidents with me...!!

I stalked his profile 'cause I was kinda obsessed with his blog,things he wrote and I was somewhat infatuated by him.

I still am !! :D

I was tempted to ask him so many times- "Do you still miss Yashri...?" inspite of knowing the obvious answer "YES"...

That day I finally gathered some courage and asked him in the name of the topic of discussion and under that lame pretext!!!! :D

"You miss Yashri a lot,don't you?"

Reyansh did not even wait to reply--- "Ofcourse I do..."

He continued after a pause-"She was my best friend.She is still somewhere within me.She was with me during the time no one else was.She was the kind of person who could motivate me,inspire me to hear what my heart says,do what I liked to do.She was the one who persuaded me to write a blog.She was the one who made me understand what I'm good at.She has left a part of her with me.During tough times,I still think what she would have done if she had to face this or what she would have asked me to do if she was with me.I'm grateful to her for so many things.I'm sure my sweetheart must be happy wherever she is and whosoever she is with....She must be spreading smiles around in everyone's life just the way she did in mine.No one can ever take that place and fill the void left by her...And I hate to say this but I don't think I would ever be able to give the same place to you or anyone else.The role she played in my life,so what if it was just for 2 years ; and the place she had in my life,my blog posts, the poems I dedicated to her and the wishes I penned down for her-I cannot do it for anyone else..."

"Hmmm...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I was a bit hurt,upset and speechless.This conversation left me with few more questions...- "Why do we never value the person we have and cling on to the ones who don't.....Would Reyansh miss me if I ever walk away...?"
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He cares for me and loves me too...!!!

It feels AWESOME tonight and that is the sole reason why I'm posting this...

When I wasn't online,he called me up just to ask me "Where was I lost"...

When I deactivated my facebook account,he messaged me to ask me the reason...

When my phone was switched off and he couldn't reach me,he actually called up my best friend and sent me a message on gtalk.[My fb account was deactivated at that time.]

When I was not well,he called me up four times in a day to make sure I recover fast...

A facebook status message prank of me going abroad made him call me up immediately...

When I cried bitter tears in front of him,he wiped it with his brand new shirt and did not care if it got spoiled...

When I held his hand,he did not make that moment AWKWARD.Instead,he hugged me tight and made me feel a lot better...

And the best part...

When I told him "I love you", he did not FRIENDZONE me...'cause he felt the same way and he loved me back too...! :)
It feels great to know someone out there cares so much....!! :)

Why !!????!!??

Last night I couldn't sleep as I was once again reminded of all the games he played and the fake promises that he made..

Even after all this time, he manages to hurt me,frustrate me and curse my destiny.

Every time I think of all those words that he said which he never meant,I get all the more upset with myself and fate.

Why did God ever make me meet that jerk?

Why is someone's life so "love-filled" and someone else's life so "lonely"?

I always have questions regarding this injustice to someone's life!!

Alas!These questions will always be questions.

The only answer everyone has is :- "Everything happens for a reason".

I can somehow never understand this statement.What reason would there be in getting hurt and crying...!!!!

Then again,I get upset thinking what would anyone get by hurting anyone else.How does playing with someone's feelings help?

How does making someone innocent ,cry make someone else happy?

Why can't people stand by their commitment and promises?

You need just one person,You ask for just one person to be by your side all your life..!

Is having one person for your life,so difficult?

So many people in this world and still you cannot have "ONE" person who would care for you and say "Are you okay?"

Well,frankly speaking I am not...!!
But I would be,if he would care enough to ask atleast once.

.....................................................................

...After an year...!! ^_^

Hello people!! :)

I'm going to take a break of an year from writing anything.

From tomorrow i.e. 3rd September,my final year is commencing & I'll really have to work extremely hard to clear it.

I know I've a lot of pending posts --->

• Death Heals-2nd part
• Love Story 2006
• A guest post
• Some other personal thoughts which're yet to be written

I shall write these posts after my final year.

So till then you may go through the previous posts :-

• Love Story 2006 series .[Part 1 to Part 4]
• Unsaid words to the late confession.
• Death heals -Part 1

At first,I was going to schedule all my pending posts throughout the year,but I cancelled that plan!

Why?

Because if I would've done that,I would have been tempted to check for the comments !! :)

**Hope to see you all soon**

Please pray for my third year results! :(

7 theory subjects + 7 practicals + 10 months to prepare = STRESS.

Byee people! Thanks everyone for the wishes[In advance].

I may not be able to comment on your blogs or reply to your comments on mine.Excuse me for one year.

:)

Note - May not be online too.Please leave your message on gtalk/orkut/facebook if you've something really important to share! :)

I don't promise I'll reply but I shall try my best. ^_^

Friendship day!!!!!!!!---More than just a "DAY"...

Wishing everyone a

VERY HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!!!!! :)

I love this day except for tying the friendship belts! :)

I believe friendship day is not about tying friendship belts only.It's a lot more than that...

Today on this friendship day,I've lots of new friends who I did not have last year. :)

However,that doesn't mean old ones are forgotten...

I still miss all of them.I feel, in the pursuit of making new friends old ones are left behind.I miss all the special moments that I had shared with them in the previous years.Yes,calls've ceased.Conversations've become shorter/almost nil.

Things are different now.Destinations are different.Life's very unpredictable.I don't know where we all will be few years later or perhaps next year itself.

My best friend is in Pune;We both are going to watch Love Aajkal but with different people !! :(

Inspite of all this uncertainty of life, I'm sure of one thing in life.

There are a few people who'll always be friends with me,no matter what!!!!!! :)

:)

Now,I shall write someday later.I've to attend calls & reply to messages-emails-scraps... :)[I've to make a few calls,too]

Wishing you a very happy friendship day once again!! :)

^_^